In The Beginning- NaBloWriMo Day 1

At first I must admit that I thought it would be quite easy, living on my own. It turns out that I was wrong. It isn't that easy. Maybe there are some things that I need to go through or even learn before I become an adult that makes these times so hard. Things like; not being able to pay first months rent fully, or eating sparsely, or working the night shift because it pays more and not because of convenience. I thought that surely having my own apartment and going to school would also not be a problem but...I'm not in school. Currently taking leave from school puts a lot of things into perspective. Such as, how a year ago I'd been imagining how great my life would be as a first year, second semester college student. That I might, naively, have no worries. That I wouldn't have to deal with people not liking me and making my life a living hell. Or even not experiencing becoming completely reclusive and depressed and having to deal with not passing some of my most important classes. I surely wasn't thinking that not having enough FAFSA wouldn't be a problem. I'm not sure how I saw myself getting through second semester, having spent 75% of my Financial aid on first semester, in the first place. But here I am. Not in school, working full time and overnight shifts, trying not to starve because of the amounts/types of foods I do or don't eat. I am determined to finish turning in these essays for these scholarships for next semester to ensure that I have enough money....I'm determined to make as much money as possible during these next 6 months of my life so that next years rent won't be so stressful, let alone late. I've signed up for SNAP and as long as I can get that I'm sure my eating-life will be a whole lot better...unfortunately I talk alot of game. I said all this last year, believing that things will eventually get better (something I've been forcing myself to believe all my life) and look how things have recently turned out. But hope isn't all lost...and we must persevere The light in me sees the light in you.