Tornado

ok so we just had a tornado scare. It is scary indeed and i hope everyone who lived in those places that had gotten hit that they will be alright. This is a serious time for everyone...

GROWING UP, NOT SURE IF I WANT TO BUT UNDERSTANDING I HAVE TO...

Gradification

I can feel the satisfaction from knowing i'm graduating from highschool burning in my chest. although things didn't end the way i really wanted them to in some areas i can seriously so i'm glad to be gone. i don't really want to remember a lot of things from here though. i will miss some friends but theres facebook, i will miss some teachers but theres email...i'm not really to inclined to come back. I'm going to KU next year...going to be a JayHawk and i'm freakin excited!!! i love Lawrence. i definitely wish the summer was already gone, i already had the money i need and i already took the classes i have to take during the summer....ugh...don't really want to do that but if it gets me in...it gets me in
-can't wait to go to college!!!

GROWING UP, NOT SURE IF I WANT TO BUT UNDERSTANDING I HAVE TO...

Verbal Abuse Kills Small Child

noone ever thinks about how the children feel. they are caught up in the love they no longer believe is real. they want to cry and scream and shout and really they are the selfish ones. they want to say that they thought about their children and decided what was best for them but really they are pretending that they have it all figured together.
and then there are the ones that hate their children. they pretend like it's their fault cuz THEY gave birth to them...as if it's THEIR fault that they were born into such an unhappy marriage...

ugh i can't even talk about this anymore...ugh it's sad, those who have life worse than me..it makes me wanna cry

GROWING UP, NOT SURE IF I WANT TO BUT UNDERSTANDING I HAVE TO...

How They Gonna Say Anything

I hate it when people criticize how i live my life when their life is a piece of crap...as if they have done all the right things and made all the right moves. or even those people who have had rough lives and believe those how are maybe not doing all that they need to do in life are a waste of fresh air. People are always quick to judge me as if i'm such a bad person that they can't stand to be around me. Those people who hurt me or say curt things to me that they think i shouldn't be offended by and then got the nerve to come to me about something hurtful i must have did months ago that i don't remember...or the fact that people treat me like crap and then when i have that off day and maybe say something totally out of line (that i usually immediately apologize for) they want to jump down my throat and say how much they wish they'd never met me....

It really burns my soul how people always want to compare themselves to me...you say you broke your leg in the fifth grade by falling out of a tree, they say they broke their arm AND their leg by getting hit by a car...in fourth grade. You tell them you got adopted and tried to turn your life around from being a sadistic crazed kid to a well-to-do woman with a future, and they say their parents both died when they were five and they lived on the streets and now they plan to own a law firm.

Its as if no matter where i go there is always someone there trying to tell me how unworthy, untalented, not-as-smart, incompetent, egotistically competive and down right selfish i am, and they don't even look at themselves and see by them just telling me that it makes them seem judgemental, angry-at-the-world and untrustworthy. It prooves that i can't tell them my secrets without them trying to through it up in my face just to show me how lesser of a person i am compared to them.

Well i'm tired of being the pushover, i'm tired of trusting people who i know in the end are there for nothing and are only sticking around to do nothing but mess up my life...i can't even imagine how i let my heart get this fragile, how i turned from the i-don't-care little girl that i started to be into this i-guess-i-can-let-that-slide teenager/adult that i am. No more letting people get to close, no more trusting blindly...I have a hard guard up and noone is going to break through it...

I trust noone with my heart but Marcus, my bestfriend in the entire world...and hopefully he doesn't either kill my heart or kill over anytime soon.

-Done being a wuss

GROWING UP, NOT SURE IF I WANT TO BUT UNDERSTANDING I HAVE TO...