Cigaretts....Is that how you spell it?

So i don't smoke cigaretts but i've been burned with them. i hate the smell of them...but because some of my friends smoke and i chill with them at the same time i guess you can say we are kinda best friends...anyways enough of the intro.... the other day i stood outside next to my friend. He playfully lowered a cigarett to my arm and immediately there was this weird fear that ran through my chest. i was so scared i flinched back uncontrollably...i know he didn't realize it cuz he lowered it again and i did it again. he then stood there before telling me he was just playing and that he would never really burn me but no matter what he said it was like i had a major flashback of something i dont even remember happening to me. Even after he had said he'd never burn me i still moved over to another side of the circle completely away from him...it took me about five minutes to even realize what i was doing and get over it. I have cigarett burns in my head, on my ankles, hands and knees. I never knew who did themwhen i was younger but when i was told i felt an immediate hatred for the person. and know i hate to admitt that they have something over me but i've been scared of cigs ever since....i would think that since i've gone through highschool and now starting college that i've gotten over it already but....i haven't. and i want to. i dont want to ever feel that scared again. ever. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE YOU...I LIKE ME. WHETHER YOU LIKE ME OR NOT IS YOUR PROBLEM...WHY TRY TO CHANGE WHO I AM?