Memories of Car Accidents That Hurt Inside and Out

So, I was in a car accident on Saturday.

I was just starting my night, going out with my friend and we'd decided to take separate cars. My friend was right behind me, I wasn't driving the speed limit, just under it, so that she could catch up to me. I was coming down a main street and saw a truck just to the right of me. I, in no way, thought it would be a danger as I used to live on that side street and new there was a stop sign there. It seemed like just seconds later she was baring down on me and I slammed on the brakes. Knowing I wasn't going to be able to stop in time I tried swerving to the left. It was as if the woman didn't even see me. She just kept coming straight towards me until she slammed into the front and passenger side of my car.

I remember the impact was so rough my entire body slammed to the left and then jerked to the right. Less than a second later the airbag exploded and hit me right in the chin, driving my head back. My arm, chest, throat and shoulder felt like it was on fire. I screamed but nothing came out. It was as if fire coated my throat and I knew I had to get out. I hit the sidewalk, up onto the curb and the gutter all at once. The woman's truck went up onto the grass, hit the brick neighborhood sign and almost to the residents house. My head rocked and I leaned it to the right side, as the left side sent pain shooting from my collar bone to my jaw.

 I don't know the moment I started crying but I felt the tears on my cheek and my shoulders shook. Either, some how, my door was already open or, some how, I opened it. I don't actually remember opening the door and getting out. I do remember pushing against it, though. I gasped for breath but the cloud of white and heat that had filled the inside of the car seemed to take my breath away. I coughed and suddenly a pain, like sharp knives, stabbed just above my breast to the dip in my neck. The pain seemed to explode in my head and I instantly felt nauseated.

I hit the street with a thud but I couldn't really see if I'd landed on anything. The night around me felt fuzzy, my eyes were blurry. I heard voices around me and I remembered calling out for my friend. I think I heard her but I can't really remember. I heard a voice, closer, yell out that we needed to get away from the car, my car. She said it was smoking and might be on fire and the tears caught again in my throat. Another woman, just to the left of me who I couldn't quite see, told me to lay still. She said she was a nurse and that I needed to lay still. She asked me where the pain was and I couldn't really tell her. I hurt everywhere. I knew one thing though. I couldn't get into the ambulance, it freaked me out, scared me. Unless I was so hurt that I passed out or had no say in the situation, I couldn't go; wouldn't.

 The woman who hit me came over and laid on the ground next to me. She told me that she hadn't seen me, that she had just gotten out of bed, that she hadn't seen me. She repeated herself over and over and asked me if I was okay. I wanted to puke so bad but didn't want to embarrass myself. I held my hand over my mouth and breathed deeply despite the pain in my shoulder and back. She kept telling me to let it out and not hold it in.

The next few moments were the hardest. The cops, fire truck and ambulance arrived. People in the nearby houses came out onto their lawns. A few of them came running up to us, my friend, the woman and I. I was in pain but no one would help me. I cried, hard, which made the pain in my chest worse. I could see my car, Anna, just in front of me. The entire front was bent and crinkled. I could see the smoke coming from under the hood. In that moment I wanted to scream, hard. The car that I'd worked so hard for, worked 86 hours a week for was done. It was gone and there was nothing I could do or say. I loved that car, I didn't care if cars could be replaced (as people kept telling me). I couldn't care that my body was in pain. I knew my car was totaled and my heart hurt so bad.

As the cop was getting my information I held a bucket in my lap trying my hardest not to empty my empty stomach; I hadn't eaten in hours. He talked to me but I could barely focus on what he was saying. My breast burned where the airbag had exploded into my chest. My arm throbbed like it was on fire but I couldn't feel it as much as the numbness in my left arm.

I could hear her, over there, the woman that hit me. She was yelling out "I just don't understand...Why would she hit my car...Why didn't she stop?" I knew she was acting crazy, changing her tune from earlier but I wasn't sure why. The cop above me said she'd started yelling when they started asking her if she'd been drinking and asking her for her insurance. I heard the cop tell her "Ma'am, she didn't have a stop sign, you did!"

When I woke up in the hospital after passing out during one of the tests, they wheeled me out to the waiting room. I couldn't breathe as the events came back to me. The neck brace they'd put on me hurt more than the injuries I'd sustained. Over the next five hours I was carted to and from the hospital room to x-ray, CAT scan, and other rooms for more tests. They gave me pain medicine that immediately put me to sleep and had my head rolling around like a crazy person.

I don't know how I feel now. I am like an emotional wreck though. My mind keeps worrying, thinking about the woman and her insurance. Thinking about Anna and how I've only had her for seven months, thinking about the fact that there would be no fixing her. I hurt inside and out. I've been to the Chiropractor twice now and have had a few discussions with my car insurance and lawyer. My body hurts but not as much due to the muscle relaxer, pain medicine and muscle gel I was given. I am exhausted though, everything makes me tired. Even taking a shower this morning took me thirty minutes due to pain and exhaustion. I'm going to try and go back to work on Friday but I couldn't even handle being at the grocery store for thirty minutes today without my head rolling and my breathing slow.




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